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Archive for the ‘LuluUnperfect Forever in Our Hearts’ Category

We interrupt this program for a brief announcement.

Monday, February 21st, 2011

I know this blog is mostly about lots of things and not to much on my personal life. But excuse me for a moment as I need to get this out.

I have done a handful of blog posts that will never be made public. But this one is for all of you.

It has been over a month now. In fact it’s been 1 month and 6 days since we lost our Lucy. It’s starting to feel real now. I think the shock is over, the denial has passed and now I’m left with raw emotion.

I will not air it for all see. I’m sorry but that’s just not me. Never has been, never will be. I am an open book and I am here for people to talk to. But I do not feel the need to air all that is mine for the sake of others just to appease them. I’ve learnt a lot about the human race in the past few weeks, and some of what I have seen has saddened and disappointed me a lot.

So I will be making tributes to Lucy on my blog on and off. I have a Lucy List. The things we were supposed to do, and never did. I will complete that list and I will share it with you. But for now back to normal programming…

99 Luft Balloons…

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Yesterday we said goodbye to Lulu.

Yesterday people gathered from all over the world and all over our country to farewell our beautiful Lulu.

Yesterday between 4 and 5 pm Australian EST the sky was filled with red balloons in honour of a strong beautiful woman, loving mother, caring daughter and awesome friend.

Yesterday I didn’t cry. Whilst others cried I held them. The way I know Lulu would have wanted me too…

Yesterday we wore our awesome Hellpixie reversible skirts in honour of Lulu…

Yesterday a few girls may or may not have drank a little bit toooo much pink bubbles…

It seems like only Yesterday I took for granted a beautiful woman and friend… I wish it was still yesterday.

Don’t tell me cause it hurts…

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

I haven’t posted for a while. I’m not sorry. I’ve been busy.

Last Saturday the 15th of January I stopped being busy. My life changed forever. I lost one of my best friends.

The week before I’d been helping my friend. Her dear sister died tragically, albeit naturally, on Thursday night, the 6th of January. I received a call from my dear Lulu on Thursday night as she was driving to her sister. She was so devastated and confused that she needed me to give her the directions. The next week was a blur. Funeral arrangements. Reminiscing. Anger. Sadness. Love. She stayed with me for that time and I am so blessed for that because I got to hold her heart when she needed. I was as she said her “doorbitch”. We hugged. We cried. We told each other how much we loved each other.

On Friday 14th January we said goodbye to Amy, Lucy’s desperately adored sister. Lucy looked beautiful. In a gorgeous red and white polka dot dress (I’ll post photos when I have them). She had dyed her hair blue black 3 nights before. She was stunning. She said goodbye to Amy with all her friends and family. No one knew that she would be saying goodbye to us too.

After the funeral we went to the espy and had some drinks. Again there was more laughs, more tears, consoling friends and connecting with memories. We ended the night on St Kilda Pier with our smirnoff’s and wild turkey travellers in hand. That night she game back to my house one last time. With a dear friend of Amy’s. They needed to talk. Mr Elite had only found out that his soulmate had died 2 days prior and the connection they both felt to Amy was intense and they wanted to talk. They stayed up all night and chatted.

In the morning I woke at about 8:30 am. My little man (4) had a birthday party to attend and Mr Neurotic was going to take him. Lu had wanted to go home to see her babies for the day. Before the next part of the Losing Amy journey continued. I had suggested I would take her home straight away as I had a massage at 10:30. She had come bounding into my room and we sat on my bed and laughed and talked. She said she wanted to stay till I came back from my “rub up” and then I would take her and Mr Elite back to her house. My little lady (9) was here when I left for my massage, along with Mr Elite and Lu. When I left she said to me she wanted to lie down as she wasn’t feeling great. We put it down to drinking and grieving. I said goodbye and went for my massage.

About 15 minutes into my massage we heard a siren. It was a fire truck and it was going loud and fast. I remember thinking to myself, with all these floods how could there be a fire… About another 30 mins passed and suddenly my massage was interrupted with some insane banging and screaming outside. We thought there was some psycho outside thinking maybe we had drugs on the premisis. We were inside thinking what we should do. Then we both heard our names screamed out loud. It was Mr Neurotic. “Lucy’s collapsed. You have to come now.” No. God no. This couldn’t happen again. God no. Please.

I got home and there were 2 ambulances outside and a fire truck. I was bombarded with paramedics and a burley fireman asking me a billion questions. “What is her medical history” “Has she had any medication in the past 24 hours” “Can you get in contact with her next of kin” “We are working on her but we can’t keep her here.” “It’s very critical” “It’s 50/50″ “It doesn’t look good” “There will be no room in the ambulance as we’ll need 2 teams to keep working on her on the way to the hospital” “You can’t go in there.” I went into my room where I find My little Lady consoling Mr Elite. He was a mess. Screaming. Crying. Angry. Sad. Confused. Of course. All the things I was feeling but couldn’t express. I managed to get hold of some people and finally her mother. Her beautiful sweet mother. She had lost her daughter last week and was in pain. Now I had to tell her it was happening all again. “Tell me what you are saying… I do not understand.” Was all she could say. I couldn’t understand it so how could she. It wasn’t happening. It was too surreal. My Little Lady had been amazing. She had called 000. She had given the address, after a state of shock and confusion. She was there as Mr Elite performed CPR. She opened the door to the ambulance. She prayed with Mr Elite. They even meditated in the hopes they could bring her back from space. She was awesome. She is awesome. She won’t be though, no child should ever have to see what she did. She lost her Lucy too. She kept everyone together in a moment of crisis. She called Mr Neurotic and told him to come home she was everyone’s rock. I know Lucy would be proud.

We went to the hospital. We took Scorpio and Mr Elite with us. At the hospital we met with family. It was awful. The Doctor came into the room and told us that she had died.

She left behind Angsty Teen, Cyclone, Betty Boop, Scorpio, Aquaman, her parents, family and friends. And everyone’s heart is now broken.

That is all I want to say about that.

I want people to know that she died of a broken heart – literally. It was not suicide. It was not some virus that took both sisters. It was natural and could not have been forseen or prevented.

I will be back another day to talk about how I feel. But right now this is what happened. And it hurts.

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