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Don’t tell me cause it hurts…

I haven’t posted for a while. I’m not sorry. I’ve been busy.

Last Saturday the 15th of January I stopped being busy. My life changed forever. I lost one of my best friends.

The week before I’d been helping my friend. Her dear sister died tragically, albeit naturally, on Thursday night, the 6th of January. I received a call from my dear Lulu on Thursday night as she was driving to her sister. She was so devastated and confused that she needed me to give her the directions. The next week was a blur. Funeral arrangements. Reminiscing. Anger. Sadness. Love. She stayed with me for that time and I am so blessed for that because I got to hold her heart when she needed. I was as she said her “doorbitch”. We hugged. We cried. We told each other how much we loved each other.

On Friday 14th January we said goodbye to Amy, Lucy’s desperately adored sister. Lucy looked beautiful. In a gorgeous red and white polka dot dress (I’ll post photos when I have them). She had dyed her hair blue black 3 nights before. She was stunning. She said goodbye to Amy with all her friends and family. No one knew that she would be saying goodbye to us too.

After the funeral we went to the espy and had some drinks. Again there was more laughs, more tears, consoling friends and connecting with memories. We ended the night on St Kilda Pier with our smirnoff’s and wild turkey travellers in hand. That night she game back to my house one last time. With a dear friend of Amy’s. They needed to talk. Mr Elite had only found out that his soulmate had died 2 days prior and the connection they both felt to Amy was intense and they wanted to talk. They stayed up all night and chatted.

In the morning I woke at about 8:30 am. My little man (4) had a birthday party to attend and Mr Neurotic was going to take him. Lu had wanted to go home to see her babies for the day. Before the next part of the Losing Amy journey continued. I had suggested I would take her home straight away as I had a massage at 10:30. She had come bounding into my room and we sat on my bed and laughed and talked. She said she wanted to stay till I came back from my “rub up” and then I would take her and Mr Elite back to her house. My little lady (9) was here when I left for my massage, along with Mr Elite and Lu. When I left she said to me she wanted to lie down as she wasn’t feeling great. We put it down to drinking and grieving. I said goodbye and went for my massage.

About 15 minutes into my massage we heard a siren. It was a fire truck and it was going loud and fast. I remember thinking to myself, with all these floods how could there be a fire… About another 30 mins passed and suddenly my massage was interrupted with some insane banging and screaming outside. We thought there was some psycho outside thinking maybe we had drugs on the premisis. We were inside thinking what we should do. Then we both heard our names screamed out loud. It was Mr Neurotic. “Lucy’s collapsed. You have to come now.” No. God no. This couldn’t happen again. God no. Please.

I got home and there were 2 ambulances outside and a fire truck. I was bombarded with paramedics and a burley fireman asking me a billion questions. “What is her medical history” “Has she had any medication in the past 24 hours” “Can you get in contact with her next of kin” “We are working on her but we can’t keep her here.” “It’s very critical” “It’s 50/50″ “It doesn’t look good” “There will be no room in the ambulance as we’ll need 2 teams to keep working on her on the way to the hospital” “You can’t go in there.” I went into my room where I find My little Lady consoling Mr Elite. He was a mess. Screaming. Crying. Angry. Sad. Confused. Of course. All the things I was feeling but couldn’t express. I managed to get hold of some people and finally her mother. Her beautiful sweet mother. She had lost her daughter last week and was in pain. Now I had to tell her it was happening all again. “Tell me what you are saying… I do not understand.” Was all she could say. I couldn’t understand it so how could she. It wasn’t happening. It was too surreal. My Little Lady had been amazing. She had called 000. She had given the address, after a state of shock and confusion. She was there as Mr Elite performed CPR. She opened the door to the ambulance. She prayed with Mr Elite. They even meditated in the hopes they could bring her back from space. She was awesome. She is awesome. She won’t be though, no child should ever have to see what she did. She lost her Lucy too. She kept everyone together in a moment of crisis. She called Mr Neurotic and told him to come home she was everyone’s rock. I know Lucy would be proud.

We went to the hospital. We took Scorpio and Mr Elite with us. At the hospital we met with family. It was awful. The Doctor came into the room and told us that she had died.

She left behind Angsty Teen, Cyclone, Betty Boop, Scorpio, Aquaman, her parents, family and friends. And everyone’s heart is now broken.

That is all I want to say about that.

I want people to know that she died of a broken heart – literally. It was not suicide. It was not some virus that took both sisters. It was natural and could not have been forseen or prevented.

I will be back another day to talk about how I feel. But right now this is what happened. And it hurts.

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31 Responses to “Don’t tell me cause it hurts…”

  1. Kirrily says:

    Mrs N. Firstly, your daughter… what an absolutely amazing child.

    I just wanted to give you (and pass on to Amy and Lucy’s family) my deepest sympathies. I was so sad for Lulu when I read on her blog about Amy’s sudden death. Like everyone in our blogging community, I’m still reeling from this turn of events. I know you have your own reasons for posting this, but I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this (and to Sarah for linking to you so we could find it). I wish you, both your families and poor Mr Elite peace during this time wherever you can find it. I’m so incredibly sorry.

  2. Wanderlust says:

    I am left without words to describe what I’m feeling. Such terrible pain for so many people. To say I’m sorry this has happened to any of you, all of you, seems inadequate, but my heart aches for everyone touched by this tragedy. Your incredible daughter…bless her. I have an 8-yr-old. I can only imagine. xo

  3. Astrid says:

    Oh Gosh Mrs N. I know you told me some of it over the phone, but it still hurts to read it.

    What can I say. It sucks to have lost her.

    Once again sending love and strength to you and your family.

  4. rach75 says:

    oh sweetie my heart breaks for you all many many hugs

  5. Divvy says:

    Mrs N your daughter is amazing. As are you. You gave shelter to a gorgeous woman and held her as she grieved her sister. I’m so sorry that Lulu couldn’t stay. I wish things were different. I know Lulu much appreciated your help and support during her last week with us.

    Take all the time you need to celebrate Lulu’s life. She was an awesome chick and gosh, was she proud to be your friend.

    She’ll be pissing on up there in the clouds and awaiting our arrival with vodka on hand and plenty of laughter and mischief.

    Love you. Sending you strength.

  6. bec says:

    What a wondeful daughter you have!

    I didn’t realise there were other rumours, that’s just one more thing you don’t need to cope with… and I just can’t imagine how it must have felt to call Lucy’s mum.

    Sending you light for the days and weeks ahead.

    Bec (sasha on bb)

  7. It was sometime in the early hours of this morning when I couldn’t sleep that I put together the pain expressed by Lucy at Diminishing Lucy that the Lucy she was mourning was the sister of Amy and oh my head. It exploded at trying to even comprehend what could possibly have happened. I am still at a complete loss. Lost as to how one family can withstand this amount of tragedy in one lifetime let alone in the space of one week.
    My heart is with you all.

  8. Only commenting cause I feel I should.

    But I don’t have any words of comfort or condolence or anything of any worth.

    Just tears for people I have never met.

    Thinking of you all.

  9. Lucy says:

    Love you. Love Lucy. Love that you managed to write this. You and the whole crew – you seriously rock. She is so proud of you.


  10. Sarah says:

    All that Lucy said :)

    Plus also look after yourself.

  11. Donna says:

    I am truly at a loss for words – such excruciating pain is simply unimaginable, not to mention simply unfair after the first sad loss.

    I grieve for you, even if I dont know you. You must be beautiful soul who has raised a beautiful daughter and I wish you nothing but peace and happiness one day, when that is possible again. And to your angel child, bless her, may she be utterly proud of all she did for you all xx

  12. Tan says:

    Your daughter is simply amazing. I hope she can debrief and realise through the sadness and turmoil just how incredible she us ans was through all that happened. I hope you can all find a place and way to grieve and give each other the comfort you all need. Im so incredibly sad for everyone, just wish there was something I could do. xox

  13. DaniV says:

    What a legend your daughter is, you should be so extremely proud of her.

    I am so sorry that you and Lulu’s family are hurting right now.

  14. Jody says:

    You’ve raised one intelligent and well adjusted young lady there, but you already know that :) I’m sending you love every way I know how darl, and will keep sending it until you’re strong enough to come back to us *hug*



  16. What an amazing daughter you have. I have no words but my heart aches for you and Lucy’s family. I have never shed so many tears for people that I have never met. My heart is aching for this family. xxx

  17. Tash says:

    You already know how wonderful I think you are. I know Lu loved you. You are sisters of the soul. This would have been so painful to write, but thank you for it. It helps to understand that Lu felt no pain. She was surrounded by love and in her safe place. What you gave her was invaluable. And you honour her.

    Your daughter is one amazing young lady. I’m so sorry she had to see what she did and experience what she has at such a young age. It will be tough for her, as it is for all your family. But my word how proud of her you must be!

    I am thinking of you and your family and sending you strength. I am thinking of Lu’s family who are in pain I can’t comprehend and sending strength.

    I am thinking of and missing Lucy, with her head thrown back in laughter, drink in one hand, ciggie in the other, rocking on with Amy.

    Love you xxxx

  18. Trish says:

    Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings into words, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. It brings me a lot of comfort to know that Lucy had you, her close and awesome friend, to take care of her in her final days, during her darkest hours.

    Your daughter is one amazing girl. I hope she knows one day how many people are in awe of her.

    Lucy is missed by so many, it’s such a testament to the kind of person that she was. Thank you again for sharing, you are constantly in my thoughts xxx

  19. E. says:

    Hi Mrs N,

    Thank you for sharing that with us. I’m sure it was difficult to write. Thank you (and your family) for being there for Lulu and her family.

    To Your Little Lady. Well done on being brave and mature. I’m sure you were worried and thank you for doign everything you did. I’m sure everyone is very proud of you.

    Thanks also go to Lucy from Diminishing Lucy for pointing out this post.

    I hope that your family’s and Lulu and Amy’s family’s pain and grief is little less knowign that so many bloggers are thinkign of you all.

  20. Maxabella says:

    My heart breaks every time I think of their mother. Dear god, what she must be going through right now.

    An unutterable, unbearable tragedy. She is missed. x

  21. Leanne says:

    I have no idea what to say. I’d only recently found Lucy’s blogs, such character, such love for her friends, family and children. I hope they will be able to read her words one day and get an insight into their Mum and how much she loved them.
    Thoughts are with her family and friends for a woman who obviously touched a lot of people, lots she hadn’t even met.
    Thinking also of Cyclone who had just hit his stride at school…strength little mate.

  22. NaeNae says:

    Mrs N.

    My heart aches and breaks over and over for you and Lu’s families.
    I wish I could offer more than simple words that do nothing other than to express my deep sorrow for you.
    I am so sorry.

    Nae x x

  23. I came across from Diminishing Lucy. I am too dizzy with shock and heartfelt sympathy to say anything clever. This is far too gut wrenching … You are a wonderful friend and your daughter sounds like a true champion. My heart is with you all and of course with Lu’s family …

  24. MultipleMum says:

    Thanks for writing this. The randomness of two healthy sisters dying so close together has had me puzzled. What is it all about? I read Unperfect Life and thought LuLu was a gorgeous thing. Such an utter tragedy. You are a brave woman with one hell of a daughter.

  25. Madmother says:

    You are such an incredible friend to share this. Lucy was someone I only knew from our blog conversations, we shared boys on the ASD journey.

    I miss her, and yet I di not really know her. I cannot begin to comprehend the hole in your heart from her loss.

    Take care of you.

    Am off to find a red balloon to fly from the top of the mountain for Lucy tomorrow.

  26. Pandora says:

    Oh Mrs N!
    I dont know if I have the words.
    The gift you gave each other was something rare. Not everyone gets to have that. Im so sorry for you loss and for you daughter..such a huge thing for one so young..sending both of you my love and strength.

    Lucy..what can I say. I hope your dancing with Amy. I want people to know how special you were, the imapct you had on people’s lives, the joy you brought when you walked in to a room. I miss you. Til we meet again.

  27. sam says:

    thank you xx

  28. FeltPets says:

    Thank you for having the courage to post this.
    Its an unfathomable tragedy, Amy and Lucy.
    You are a stranger to me but we are linked by Lucy. I went to high school with her and Amy, and we’d only reconnected in the past couple of years. She looked so strong holding the family together at Amy’s funeral. I’m glad I got to hug her one more time.
    You have given me such comfort, knowing that she was surrounded by love, and she was in as happy a place as can be, when she went to be with Amy. It has been a confusing week for many of us, trying to come to terms with her loss, the why’s, the how’s. Let the uncertainty end once and for all. Thank you, thank you.
    My deepest condolences to you, she was a one of a kind human being ~ one we will never forget. And your dear daughter, she has had to grow up too fast in this instance, what a brave girl.
    I know one thing: we are all better for knowing her, she touched us all in her own special way.
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds. xx

  29. Dave Kelly-Grimshaw says:

    Lucy contributed to who I am today through a friendship that was spawned from living couple of doors down in Wantirna during our teenage years. I learnt a lot from her outgoing, boisterous, yet caring nature. I owe her so much. I wish I had a chance to say good bye. I’m saddened. My thoughts go out to all her family and friends.

  30. kaykay says:

    this is so incredibly.. i had only one little comment exchange with Lucy, I happened to come back to her blog when she blogged about her sister. it is hard to even comprehend what happened in this family. If I understand it right, there are now 4 children without their mother and a mother without her 2 daughters. i feel really upset about it, helpless and a bit stupid from a distance, just blog reader, but who would not be touched by this tragedy. thanks for letting us know.

  31. Mrs Neurotic says:

    I just would like to thank you all for your replies. It has taken me a while to come back here and read them. Thank you xxx

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